The anti-gun rights bit was a convoluted take on my passage of the Defending the Second Amendment Act, where I had agreed to restrictions on magazine sizes, even though I had managed to increase concealed carry privileges across the country. I wasn’t sure about the anti-church claim; no, I didn’t go to a Protestant church, but my wife and children were active members of the Catholic church, and I occasionally went with them to Mass. Being Catholic was not a big seller in the heartland, but it was a long time since Kennedy had had to address it, and Marilyn wasn’t running for office.The pro-gay stuff wasn’t a real surprise to me. That had been dogging me for a few years now since I had voted against the Defense of Marriage Act back in 1996. The homophobes had decided we needed to do something about the wave of gay marriages inundating the God-fearing Christians of our great nation, so they passed a law stating that only straights could marry. It would ultimately be found. Roast beef, mashed potatoes and corn with pudding for desert filled us up. Free time was scheduled until eight when we were all to assemble for a camp fire. We arrived as a group and took our seats on some log benches. The camp staff put on a play for us and the girls were entertained with some pretty good comedy. I had talked with the head camp counselor and was in charge of lighting the camp fire. I had hidden a combination of common chemicals I got from the landscape shed in the base of the fire pile. Before you ask, no, I will not tell you what chemicals I used. I addressed the assemblage with one of my favorite scary camping stories.Right when I got to just the right spot in the story while just about everybody was holding their breath I jerked on a rope I had hidden and the camp fire burst into flames about twenty feet high. There was a collective outpouring of breath as the girls let out their breath and some of them even screamed in the process. From then on they sang songs.
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